FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
