was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
