i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
false alarm. still invincible.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
