somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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