Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
