i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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