i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
