i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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