he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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