its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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