He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
