I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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