so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
