I will die if light touches me.
I wish I only lived at night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
