I wish life had little blips of pornography
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
