It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
