It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
