You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
