I will die if light touches me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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