we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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