I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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