I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
