ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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