i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
