So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
