I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
