Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
