it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You have to summon your inner elephant
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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