started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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