Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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