the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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