My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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