If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
