I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
