Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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