She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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