why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
