Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
