im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
