Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
