did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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