so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i believe in u and ur pee
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