And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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