Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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