The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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