Michael Bay diarrhea
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
