Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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