He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
