I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
