Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
