Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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