You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
