My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
