I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
