he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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