Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
