you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
