now i know why i became what i already was.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
