The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
