I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
