I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
