I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
