She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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