Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Idk if I want to put a bra on
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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