you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
