He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Someone shit on the floor
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
