And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
