no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
