my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize