help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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