Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
